How to Be an LGBTQ+ Ally at Work
There’s no doubt — the LGBTQ+ community is accepted now more than ever. But being queer in the workplace is still uneasy, frightening, and for some, dangerous.
You’re constantly guessing if it’s safe to expose your sexuality or gender identity. While your straight colleagues can mention their partner in casual conversation, you have to make an educated guess on if saying my partner will —
Be conceived as inappropriate.
Lead to future discrimination
Ruin a developed relationship, and tank your career.
Everyday conversations can be terrifying when you're getting to know new colleagues. In my experience, unless I know the supportive colleagues outweigh all else, I do not take risks mentioning my wife. Fortunately, I look like such a lesbian stereotype that it’s pretty easy to tell if people are uncomfortable with me. But not everyone has this litmus test available.
I was lucky enough to freelance for and test the waters at the agency I now work for full-time. Part of the reason I decided to join the team was because of how welcomed I felt. When I would mention my wife, it felt normal — folks would ask how she’s doing or what she does for a living — my life as a queer woman didn’t feel judged or pushed under the rug.
This wasn’t always the case with previous employers or freelance clients, though. Some people are so hard to read — I could never tell if I could be my authentic self around them. So allies — let us know you’re there!
How can you be an ally?
Equality isn’t the sole responsibility of a minority to solve — it’s a team effort. So how can you help your colleagues feel accepted?
Use inclusive language.
If you’re just getting to know someone, use gender-neutral terms, and don’t assume the gender identity of your coworker or their partner.
If you want to be even more inclusive, ask what everyone’s pronouns are. Think of how you would ask someone about using a nickname — “Can I call you Matt, or do you prefer to go by Matthew?”
You can always start by offering up your pronouns, “I use she/her pronouns. What pronouns do you prefer?” Or just add it into your introduction to encourage others to do the same. “Hi, my name is ___, and I use they/them pronouns.”
Don’t be defensive.
Own your ignorance and learn. When you’re not part of a community, it’s hard to know everything about it. There’s no shame there!
You don’t have to be a scholar. You just have to be willing to learn. Instead of saying, “I don’t understand why people have all these new pronouns!” try, “Wow, I didn’t know there were so many pronouns. I’d love to learn more.”
Listen.
Show genuine interest in our lives. No need to go around saying, “that’s great that you’re gay!” Just listen to a story about what we did with our partner over the weekend, ask us how they’re doing.
Stand up for us if needed.
Did someone use gay as a slur? Make an inappropriate joke? Use someone’s incorrect pronouns?
Whether LGBTQ+ people are in the room or not, a simple “That’s not cool,” “I don’t get it, why’s that funny?”, “You mean, they sent you the agenda?” means a lot.
Being a good ally takes practice, and I hope these tips help. Honestly, no matter what community you want to be an ally for, these rules apply. We spend so many hours at work — let’s make everyone feels welcomed and heard there!
For more resources on creating an equitable workplace, I highly recommend Life Kit’s article/episode where you can find more tips and resources to educate yourself further.
